Love Thy (Gay) Neighbor

            “God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.”

            “Oh yeah? Well the Bible also says ‘Lot and his daughters,’ not ‘Lot and his sons.’”

            There is no other theological debate that I am more tired of hearing about than the one on homosexuality. The main reason why it bothers me is because it’s tearing the Christian church apart. It’s almost like I walk into a church, someone asks me whether or not I’m okay with homosexuality, and then I’m either welcomed in or shunned depending on my answer.

            That’s not right.

            Here’s my dilemma. I am absolutely horrified at the way “Christians” are treating homosexuals. Not only that, I can’t even say for sure whether or not I believe homosexuality is a sin. Currently, I feel myself leaning towards the belief that it’s not.

            Shocker! Well, I did say I don’t have conventional views on matters.

            Let me start with the fact that I’m not gay. I like guys and want to have a husband someday. Hopefully, my heterosexuality can give me some impartiality on the subject.

            Now, ever since I was aware of the homosexuality debate, I have always called myself “neutral territory.” I wasn’t for or against gay people. If someone was against, fine. If someone was gay, fine. It didn’t matter either way for me. Although I still have the same non-judgmental attitude, I have taken the issue a lot more seriously lately.

Why? Because I’ve begun to notice the horrible way Christians are treating their gay neighbors.

How could “Christians” go to church and then look down in disgust at the gay person sitting in the pew next to them? How could they ignore their own sins while they judge anyone who shows even the slightest hint of being gay? How could they believe they are supposed to hate homosexuals? How could they believe God hates homosexuals?

It baffles me.

Jesus says, “Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than this” (Mark 12:31). He doesn’t say to love someone because I agree with his or her lifestyle choices. He doesn’t say to love someone because I know he or she is not sinning. He doesn’t say, “Love someone because” at all. He just commands to love. Period.

Now saying this, I know that doesn’t mean if we don’t agree with someone who is, say, a drug addict, that we should hang around him or her all the time and pick up bad habits in the name of love. It does mean, though, that we shouldn’t hate him or her.

All right, after getting that off my chest, let me go back to why I’m leaning more towards the idea that homosexuality is not a sin. I do want to state that I don’t want to force anyone to agree with me, I just want to express my musings on the subject.

So, there are several “sins” in the Bible that are no longer considered sins. For example, no one is supposed to touch a woman when she is on her period because she is considered impure (Leviticus 15:19). (Well, then I guess many of my friends who have hugged me during my time of the month have sinned. Whoops!) Commandments, such as this one, are considered outdated and no longer valid, so to speak. “Cultural variation” is the term I have heard. Some parts of the Bible have to be seen in relation to their cultural context; it should not be taken literally word for word, without analyzing.

When I revealed my observation, one of my Christian friends told me there are parts of the Bible that should be taken literally and others figuratively. I agreed, but when I asked how to discern what parts to take literally or figuratively, my friend replied, “Oh, you just know.”

            Well, I don’t think you can “just know.” I think the Bible needs to be considered and deeply analyzed based on its cultural context to be able to understand what is most relevant and important for us as Christians today. If we followed the Bible literally without doing so, then there would still be slavery in our society and women would not have rights. I don’t think I should be focused on whether or not I need to wear a head covering because I’m a woman and the Bible says so (1 Corinthians 11) when I should be more focused on other pressing matters, like my sexual purity as an unmarried young adult, for example. 

The way I see it, a sin is a sin because it has consequences. If I lie to my mom, I’ve hurt her and myself. If I cheat on my boyfriend, I’ve ruined my relationship. If I have sex before marriage and then get dumped by my boyfriend (or get pregnant or an STD), I’ve lost my self-respect (and get myself in trouble to boot). And if I have an addiction, I'm going to lose everything. 

Sins also include a lack of love. Obviously, if I lie to my mom, I care more about the benefits that come with the lie than I do her. If I cheat on my boyfriend, I care more about gratifying my own desires than I do my boyfriend’s feelings. If I decide to have sex before marriage, I’m more than likely acting on lust than love. And if I have an addiction, it's all about satisfying my life-threatening desires. There's no love in any of these cases, whether for myself or others. 

There are exceptions, though, no? I might lie to my mom to save her from something horrible. I might cheat on accident (though I find that one difficult to imagine). I might even decide to have premarital sex because I’ve been in a loving, committed relationship for years, but cannot get married for some reason. And technically, I could be addicted to a good thing, like reading the Bible everyday. 

            Well, what about homosexuality? I agree that a gay couple that decides to act on their lust for each other is a sin because 1) there will be consequences, just like with a heterosexual couple and 2) there is no love. But what about a committed, loving, Christian gay couple that wants to wait until marriage, growing closer to God in the meantime, like any faithful, Christian straight couple? Why should one couple be praised while the other one is condemned? Apparently, it’s because the gender of the people in the couple matters.

            I see no logic in that (and I won’t even get into the problem of gender and the biological/psychological debate on it).

            Now I know there are so many arguments about what the Bible does and does not say about homosexuality. I’m not an educated theologian so I’m not going to debate the Bible scriptures as if I am one. Heck, I’m not even sure if the parts of the Bible I do get are understood correctly. I’m only human; I’m a sinner and I’m flawed. I accept that.

            Which is why I refuse to judge homosexuals and plan to leave the judgment to He who holds the almighty gavel up in heaven.

But I will say this. The debate between homosexuality and Christianity needs to stop dividing churches, youth groups, Christian friends, and every other Christian in the world. We are all God’s children. Should we deny an alcoholic to come to church? Should we deny a liar a seat at our table? No! Jesus spent time with the people who were considered the lowest of the low, such as prostitutes and lepers. So if homosexuality is a sin, who cares?! I know I will welcome them into church, hug them, and love them no matter what because nothing is more important than sharing the love of Christ.

            Absolutely nothing.

Note: I found a great website on homosexuality and Christianity: the Gay Christian Network. What I found most interesting is the whole idea of “The Great Debate” within the gay Christian community, arguing the Traditionalist vs. Reformed view on the position of homosexuality in Christianity today. I'm not going to lie. Many of the ideas I spoke about in this blog post came from and were inspired by these essays, especially the reformed one. Credit is due where credit is due. I recommend reading the original essays if anyone is as interested in the subject as I am.

Also, there's a great article, "I'm Christian, Unless Your Gay" that I think takes what I'm saying and breaks it down even further. Just in case anyone's interested!

To Date or Not to Date a Non-Christian

            One big topic with Christian teens is whether or not to date non-Christians. There are many reasons why any Christian worries about dating a non-Christian, such as disagreements over moral values, differences in future plans, etc. Many think marriages are doomed when the couple isn’t the same religion, the main reason usually being raising kids.

When it comes to teens, though, the differences might seem frivolous. We’re not planning on getting married, so what’s the harm in dating a non-Christian?

Well, recently, one of my friends’ atheist best friends went through a break up with her Christian boyfriend. Since they were together for a few years, my friend thought they overcame their religious differences, but in the end it still got to them.

Here’s my take on the subject.

There was one specific non-Christian guy I dated. I remember turning him down the first few times he asked me out because of our religious differences. I just thought that our relationship would have no future because of it.

Looking back, I know I was right.

Don’t get me wrong. He was a good guy and I don’t regret our relationship at all. In fact, we ended up dating for quite a long time. We were very happy at first. For a while there, it seemed like our religious differences didn’t matter. We loved each other and respected each others beliefs and that was all we needed to know.

But no matter how we hard we tried, our religious differences got in the way.

I remember days when all we’d do was just sit and debate our religious differences. Sometimes I’d even get seriously offended. None of the arguments were ever resolved and they always ended the same way.

“Let’s change the subject.”

Our relationship simply wasn’t going to go anywhere unless one of us was willing to step back from our beliefs for the sake of the relationship. I don’t know if he would have, but I knew that wasn’t going to be me.

Maybe we were both just being stubborn. Maybe I could have brought him to Jesus. Maybe not. All I know was that our religious differences opened my eyes to all of the other differences that we had as a result. Soon enough, I realized that things were going downhill fast.

Still, I feared letting him go. What if no one else loved me the way he did? He was the first guy I ever loved. Could I ever love anyone else that way again?

We eventually did break up. As difficult and heart aching as it was, though, we were both happier in the long run. I prayed that God would bring each of us the person He had in mind for us and just left it in God’s hands.

Let me just say I don’t believe all non-Christian and Christian relationships are doomed. In fact, I have another Christian friend who brought her boyfriend to Jesus. Perhaps I could’ve converted my ex-boyfriend likewise. But I don’t think anyone should go into a relationship planning on changing the other person, no matter what needs changing. The person should want to change on his or her own and that’s difficult to achieve. Unless someone is willing to put all of that time, effort, and faith in, it’s not going to work out.

Personally, I wasn’t ready for that.

Still, I don’t think the relationship was a waste. We both learned to love and learned what it was like to date someone from a different religious background. I know I cleared up many Christian misconceptions he had, and I pray that perhaps that softened his heart enough so someone else in the future could bring him to Jesus.

All right, here’s my last two cents and then I’ll shut up.

Dating is a fun time to get to know each other, perhaps even leading to a first love. But with all of the differences that already come within relationships, religious ones just make things more difficult. Two Christians may disagree on the kind of music they like, but a Christian and non-Christian could disagree on how to respect parents, what’s appropriate on a date physical-wise, whether or not drinking is okay, etc.

I just think dating a Christian removes one more difference, hopefully leaving space for a little more fun.

For me, I’ve had the experience of dating a non-Christian and even though I don’t regret the relationship, I’ve learned I’d rather only date Christians. When I get married someday, I don’t want to deal with religious differences on top of everything else. My parents were both Christian and still divorced, so why add to that? Maybe someone else with a higher level of patience, respect, and work ethic can, and I say all power to them, but it’s just not for me. I’d rather just continue praying to God for a good Christian guy.

Oh, actually, guess what? God has already begun to answer that prayer.

You Want Me to Do WHAT Because I Love You?!

            What really angers me to the point where I find it difficult to stay quiet is those guys who try to convince girls to have sex and the girls who let them.

I don’t mean out of love, some people are in love and they decide to take that step. I don’t judge them. I worry about the girls who sometimes don’t understand what they’re doing. Sometimes guys just want sex, not love, and that’s not what it’s supposed to be about.

Some guys get away with lines like, “If you loved me, you would show me your love” or “prove it.” Some girls, unfortunately, get reeled in.

Here’s a story where one girl barely made it.

I have a virgin, Christian friend who was dating this guy. Things were getting serious when he wanted her to meet his parents so I knew I needed to remind her about one little fact.

“Does he know you’re a virgin?”

“I don’t want to mention it,” she responded. “What if I scare him away?”

“Well,” I said, “if you tell him now and scare him away, that shows he wasn’t worth it. But if you keep it a secret until much later when you’re really serious about him, then one, he’ll think you lied, and two, it’ll hurt more if you break up instead of finding out now and going separate ways. It’s just realizing you’re each looking for different things in a relationship.”

            As I reminded her, she pushed the subject further into the back of her mind. She didn’t want to tell him anytime soon, but one day, she had no choice.

            She was talking to him and found out he wasn’t a virgin. As a result, she revealed her secret. At first, he didn’t see a problem with it, but when she told him she wanted to wait until marriage, or at least until she was older and in a longer, committed relationship of a few years, he hesitated.

            He acted like it didn’t bother him, but after he let it sink in he exploded with anger and yelled at her. The main gist was that he thought he could fall in love with her and that it wasn’t fair for him to not be allowed to express his love for her physically when he really wanted to be that close to her.

            When my friend told me the story, I worried she gave in. Thankfully, though, she didn’t. Instead, she decided to call him out on it.

            She started yelling right back!

            She said if he truly thought he could love her, than he wouldn’t see this one decision as a problem. She said he shouldn’t pressure her if he really cared about her and that if sex was more important, then they were through.

            Although things didn’t work out, I completely agree with what my friend said. It was true! Her friend was so focused on one aspect that, even though they got along perfectly well, found each other physically attractive, and had fun together, he lost her. He wanted to take that step to meet the parents, but sex was the deal breaker.

            This happens with a lot of girls my age, or any age. They think they have to give in to a guy out of fear of losing them, but I don’t. I think if a guy told me, “If you loved me, you would have sex with me,” I’d say, “If you loved me, you wouldn’t pressure me.”

I’ve made a promise to myself and to God that I want to wait and that’s my decision. If a guy can’t respect that, then forget him. I mean, if a guy won’t respect that one decision about sex, how is he going to respect me?

            It makes me sad so many girls don’t think like this. Many girls give in because they think they’ll never get a guy who respects them enough to wait and then they lower their standards.

            Personally, I don’t think they should, and I don’t want to either. I know it sounds corny, but I have faith God will find me the right guy. I just refuse to let any guy change my mind. I have many reasons for waiting, but the guy doesn’t even need to know them. Just the fact that I want to wait should be enough for his respect.

If a guy can’t understand that, then I don’t need him. I have someone else who loves me great enough to respect everything I say, believe, and dream. He’s God and I trust He’ll find me a guy who will respect me and never pressure me.

The only man I’ll let lead me on is Jesus.

Turning from Porn, Turning to Jesus - Guest Post

By: Drummer for Jesus

One of the biggest problems I think we all face is sexuality. Whether it’s an awkward parental conversation, talking about it with friends or maybe even at Youth Group, we all hear about it at some point and, needless to say, it draws attention. I think what truly draws our attention is the Internet and, along with it, pornography. Today I will share my experience with porn as a Christian teen.

When I was fifteen years old, I started my decline into a pornography addiction. It was one of the worst decisions I ever made. The constant sexual thoughts and images in my head never went away. It was so hard to go a day without it. It drove me away from Jesus because I thought He would never forgive me and I was too far in.

For me, it was worse because I had trouble learning what it meant to love. I struggled to even look at a girl in my classroom without seeing her as a sex object. It only got worse as, along with that, I had a loss of confidence in myself due to my mental state at the time.

I grew to hate both my mind and body. It was so hard for me that I even grew depressed. Pornography had me in its grasp and I didn’t want to let it go. But God had a plan the whole time. He wasn’t going to let me continue in this state.

Three years after it started, I went to Christian camp and met a girl there. I was very shy and didn’t really talk to anyone, but she came up to me and for the first time, I felt something different. Little did I know that this would lead to something greater.

Months passed and college started. I was still in my addiction, but I was brave and started to face it along with the friend I made, who soon became my best friend. I gained confidence, started exercising and going to church again, and prayed constantly for God to help me keep going.

Next thing I knew, I went a day without pornography, then a week, then a month. It eventually turned into several months (with occasional relapses) until I ultimately triumphed over my addiction thanks to the grace of God. Thanks to Him, not only did I get out of my addiction, but also one of the most wonderful things happened.

I fell in love with my best friend who helped me through it all. I’m grateful to her because she was the miracle I needed at that exact moment. Now, I’m blessed to say I’ve been almost half a year sober and started to get counseling and I’ve never been happier in my life!

Now you might think just one peek won’t hurt, but let me refer you to a scripture I keep close to my heart at times like those. 1 Corinthians 6:18-19 says to run away from sexual temptations and sin because, though it might not seem to affect you at first, it might lead you to do something you’ll regret.

If you have a pornography addiction, boy or girl, I urge you to talk with anyone who could help. Many pastors have dedicated years of study to this and can help. I suggest you watch this video from Robert Cook, a youth minister who has helped people turn from pornography, as a push to help you receive the forgiveness and blessing of God.

May God bless you all and thanks SWIACT for letting me be a guest writer!