A Writer's Breath

            There’s no air in my lungs. I can’t breathe. Some invisible force obstructs every breath I try to take. What could it be? What ‘s keeping me from doing what has always come most naturally to me?

            Writer’s Block.

            Yes, I hate to say it, but I have self-diagnosed myself with the worst disease known to writers. It keeps my hand from holding a pen like arthritis. It fills my mind with obstacles, pounding at the edges of my brain like a migraine. It takes away my passion, the substance I need to live, suffocating me like asthma.

            A cure. I need to find a cure. I’ve been waiting for one. I’ve been praying for God to miraculously heal me and fill my mind with inspiration, but I think it doesn’t work that way. How can I expect a doctor to cure me if I never go to pick up the prescription?

            I need to get out. I need to reach out. Where can I be inspired? Not in my room, in bed, with only my pessimistic thoughts as company. A bookstore, my family, a poetry reading, my youth group…all pharmacies ready to administer a dosage of inspiration if I’m willing to go.

            I’ve tried.

            As my fingers caress the keyboard, delivering word after loving word onto the screen, I almost want to cry. It’s been so long. I’ve missed writing so much. Finally, the dose is beginning to take effect.

            My hands shake less, the deafening fog in my mind is dissipating, and, at last, I take a deep breath and let the air kiss my lungs.  

The Bad Luck Coaster

            Most Christians generally don’t believe in luck or bad luck. They believe everything happens for a reason, whether it’s good or bad. Personally, I’ve always agreed with this consensus.

            Until recently.

            Lately, I’ve been having the longest and strangest string of bad luck I’ve ever encountered in my life. For the past couple of weeks it’s been either extreme bad luck or extreme good luck. The switch between the two has been incredibly harsh.

Honestly, it’s like a roller coaster going as high as it possibly can before plummeting down at an almost ninety degree drop, going lower than where the ride first started, before starting the cycle all over, going higher and lower with each twist and turn.

Anyone would need motion sickness pills after that.

My days will start out good, keep getting better, and then drop down to bad and then the worst. Then the next day, it’s vice versa. There’s just no logical reason as to why. The good luck has involved everything from my school, to my friends, to my job. The bad luck has as well. It’s been bewildering.

I know it doesn’t sound like a big deal, just everyday runs of good or bad luck, so let me explain why I’m writing this.

Just today, the roller coaster plummeted farther than it ever had before. It went down so quickly and so low that my health suffered.

Literally.

Suddenly, my good luck part of the ride seems to be over and bad luck seems to have taken me on a different ride. And this ride, if I may call it that, has suddenly gotten me to reevaluate my whole “Everything happens for a reason” way of thinking.

Does all this pointless amount of bad luck have a reason?

As a Christian, I feel like I have to say yes. I mean, we’re all part of God’s plan and to believe that what happens in life is random and has no meaning would go against this way of thinking.

But as a teenager going through some very tough times? I think it’s understandable to fear the answer could be no.

And that’s okay.

I’m not denying God has a plan for each and every one of our lives. I’m sure He does and knows the reasons behind each of those moments that seem pointlessly full of bad luck.

But that doesn’t mean I know.

The truth is, life is full of so many moments that it’s hard to see what bad parts can lead to the good. The only one who truly knows the reason why everything happens is, of course, God. But, thankfully, every once in a while we get a little glimpse as well.

Now that I think about it, I had to go through some bad luck at school so my friend and I could both have some good luck. So perhaps the bad luck with my health will lead to something good too.

Even if I don’t know what it is yet.

So maybe, instead of trying to frantically unbuckle myself from the bad luck coaster with tears streaming down my face, I should just sit back, raise my arms in the air, and rest assured that God’s strapped in right there next to me, along for the ride.

Besides, I trust He knows every twist and turn before I do.