Love Thy (Gay) Neighbor

            “God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.”

            “Oh yeah? Well the Bible also says ‘Lot and his daughters,’ not ‘Lot and his sons.’”

            There is no other theological debate that I am more tired of hearing about than the one on homosexuality. The main reason why it bothers me is because it’s tearing the Christian church apart. It’s almost like I walk into a church, someone asks me whether or not I’m okay with homosexuality, and then I’m either welcomed in or shunned depending on my answer.

            That’s not right.

            Here’s my dilemma. I am absolutely horrified at the way “Christians” are treating homosexuals. Not only that, I can’t even say for sure whether or not I believe homosexuality is a sin. Currently, I feel myself leaning towards the belief that it’s not.

            Shocker! Well, I did say I don’t have conventional views on matters.

            Let me start with the fact that I’m not gay. I like guys and want to have a husband someday. Hopefully, my heterosexuality can give me some impartiality on the subject.

            Now, ever since I was aware of the homosexuality debate, I have always called myself “neutral territory.” I wasn’t for or against gay people. If someone was against, fine. If someone was gay, fine. It didn’t matter either way for me. Although I still have the same non-judgmental attitude, I have taken the issue a lot more seriously lately.

Why? Because I’ve begun to notice the horrible way Christians are treating their gay neighbors.

How could “Christians” go to church and then look down in disgust at the gay person sitting in the pew next to them? How could they ignore their own sins while they judge anyone who shows even the slightest hint of being gay? How could they believe they are supposed to hate homosexuals? How could they believe God hates homosexuals?

It baffles me.

Jesus says, “Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than this” (Mark 12:31). He doesn’t say to love someone because I agree with his or her lifestyle choices. He doesn’t say to love someone because I know he or she is not sinning. He doesn’t say, “Love someone because” at all. He just commands to love. Period.

Now saying this, I know that doesn’t mean if we don’t agree with someone who is, say, a drug addict, that we should hang around him or her all the time and pick up bad habits in the name of love. It does mean, though, that we shouldn’t hate him or her.

All right, after getting that off my chest, let me go back to why I’m leaning more towards the idea that homosexuality is not a sin. I do want to state that I don’t want to force anyone to agree with me, I just want to express my musings on the subject.

So, there are several “sins” in the Bible that are no longer considered sins. For example, no one is supposed to touch a woman when she is on her period because she is considered impure (Leviticus 15:19). (Well, then I guess many of my friends who have hugged me during my time of the month have sinned. Whoops!) Commandments, such as this one, are considered outdated and no longer valid, so to speak. “Cultural variation” is the term I have heard. Some parts of the Bible have to be seen in relation to their cultural context; it should not be taken literally word for word, without analyzing.

When I revealed my observation, one of my Christian friends told me there are parts of the Bible that should be taken literally and others figuratively. I agreed, but when I asked how to discern what parts to take literally or figuratively, my friend replied, “Oh, you just know.”

            Well, I don’t think you can “just know.” I think the Bible needs to be considered and deeply analyzed based on its cultural context to be able to understand what is most relevant and important for us as Christians today. If we followed the Bible literally without doing so, then there would still be slavery in our society and women would not have rights. I don’t think I should be focused on whether or not I need to wear a head covering because I’m a woman and the Bible says so (1 Corinthians 11) when I should be more focused on other pressing matters, like my sexual purity as an unmarried young adult, for example. 

The way I see it, a sin is a sin because it has consequences. If I lie to my mom, I’ve hurt her and myself. If I cheat on my boyfriend, I’ve ruined my relationship. If I have sex before marriage and then get dumped by my boyfriend (or get pregnant or an STD), I’ve lost my self-respect (and get myself in trouble to boot). And if I have an addiction, I'm going to lose everything. 

Sins also include a lack of love. Obviously, if I lie to my mom, I care more about the benefits that come with the lie than I do her. If I cheat on my boyfriend, I care more about gratifying my own desires than I do my boyfriend’s feelings. If I decide to have sex before marriage, I’m more than likely acting on lust than love. And if I have an addiction, it's all about satisfying my life-threatening desires. There's no love in any of these cases, whether for myself or others. 

There are exceptions, though, no? I might lie to my mom to save her from something horrible. I might cheat on accident (though I find that one difficult to imagine). I might even decide to have premarital sex because I’ve been in a loving, committed relationship for years, but cannot get married for some reason. And technically, I could be addicted to a good thing, like reading the Bible everyday. 

            Well, what about homosexuality? I agree that a gay couple that decides to act on their lust for each other is a sin because 1) there will be consequences, just like with a heterosexual couple and 2) there is no love. But what about a committed, loving, Christian gay couple that wants to wait until marriage, growing closer to God in the meantime, like any faithful, Christian straight couple? Why should one couple be praised while the other one is condemned? Apparently, it’s because the gender of the people in the couple matters.

            I see no logic in that (and I won’t even get into the problem of gender and the biological/psychological debate on it).

            Now I know there are so many arguments about what the Bible does and does not say about homosexuality. I’m not an educated theologian so I’m not going to debate the Bible scriptures as if I am one. Heck, I’m not even sure if the parts of the Bible I do get are understood correctly. I’m only human; I’m a sinner and I’m flawed. I accept that.

            Which is why I refuse to judge homosexuals and plan to leave the judgment to He who holds the almighty gavel up in heaven.

But I will say this. The debate between homosexuality and Christianity needs to stop dividing churches, youth groups, Christian friends, and every other Christian in the world. We are all God’s children. Should we deny an alcoholic to come to church? Should we deny a liar a seat at our table? No! Jesus spent time with the people who were considered the lowest of the low, such as prostitutes and lepers. So if homosexuality is a sin, who cares?! I know I will welcome them into church, hug them, and love them no matter what because nothing is more important than sharing the love of Christ.

            Absolutely nothing.

Note: I found a great website on homosexuality and Christianity: the Gay Christian Network. What I found most interesting is the whole idea of “The Great Debate” within the gay Christian community, arguing the Traditionalist vs. Reformed view on the position of homosexuality in Christianity today. I'm not going to lie. Many of the ideas I spoke about in this blog post came from and were inspired by these essays, especially the reformed one. Credit is due where credit is due. I recommend reading the original essays if anyone is as interested in the subject as I am.

Also, there's a great article, "I'm Christian, Unless Your Gay" that I think takes what I'm saying and breaks it down even further. Just in case anyone's interested!

You Want Me to Do WHAT Because I Love You?!

            What really angers me to the point where I find it difficult to stay quiet is those guys who try to convince girls to have sex and the girls who let them.

I don’t mean out of love, some people are in love and they decide to take that step. I don’t judge them. I worry about the girls who sometimes don’t understand what they’re doing. Sometimes guys just want sex, not love, and that’s not what it’s supposed to be about.

Some guys get away with lines like, “If you loved me, you would show me your love” or “prove it.” Some girls, unfortunately, get reeled in.

Here’s a story where one girl barely made it.

I have a virgin, Christian friend who was dating this guy. Things were getting serious when he wanted her to meet his parents so I knew I needed to remind her about one little fact.

“Does he know you’re a virgin?”

“I don’t want to mention it,” she responded. “What if I scare him away?”

“Well,” I said, “if you tell him now and scare him away, that shows he wasn’t worth it. But if you keep it a secret until much later when you’re really serious about him, then one, he’ll think you lied, and two, it’ll hurt more if you break up instead of finding out now and going separate ways. It’s just realizing you’re each looking for different things in a relationship.”

            As I reminded her, she pushed the subject further into the back of her mind. She didn’t want to tell him anytime soon, but one day, she had no choice.

            She was talking to him and found out he wasn’t a virgin. As a result, she revealed her secret. At first, he didn’t see a problem with it, but when she told him she wanted to wait until marriage, or at least until she was older and in a longer, committed relationship of a few years, he hesitated.

            He acted like it didn’t bother him, but after he let it sink in he exploded with anger and yelled at her. The main gist was that he thought he could fall in love with her and that it wasn’t fair for him to not be allowed to express his love for her physically when he really wanted to be that close to her.

            When my friend told me the story, I worried she gave in. Thankfully, though, she didn’t. Instead, she decided to call him out on it.

            She started yelling right back!

            She said if he truly thought he could love her, than he wouldn’t see this one decision as a problem. She said he shouldn’t pressure her if he really cared about her and that if sex was more important, then they were through.

            Although things didn’t work out, I completely agree with what my friend said. It was true! Her friend was so focused on one aspect that, even though they got along perfectly well, found each other physically attractive, and had fun together, he lost her. He wanted to take that step to meet the parents, but sex was the deal breaker.

            This happens with a lot of girls my age, or any age. They think they have to give in to a guy out of fear of losing them, but I don’t. I think if a guy told me, “If you loved me, you would have sex with me,” I’d say, “If you loved me, you wouldn’t pressure me.”

I’ve made a promise to myself and to God that I want to wait and that’s my decision. If a guy can’t respect that, then forget him. I mean, if a guy won’t respect that one decision about sex, how is he going to respect me?

            It makes me sad so many girls don’t think like this. Many girls give in because they think they’ll never get a guy who respects them enough to wait and then they lower their standards.

            Personally, I don’t think they should, and I don’t want to either. I know it sounds corny, but I have faith God will find me the right guy. I just refuse to let any guy change my mind. I have many reasons for waiting, but the guy doesn’t even need to know them. Just the fact that I want to wait should be enough for his respect.

If a guy can’t understand that, then I don’t need him. I have someone else who loves me great enough to respect everything I say, believe, and dream. He’s God and I trust He’ll find me a guy who will respect me and never pressure me.

The only man I’ll let lead me on is Jesus.