When You're Stuck in the Middle - Guest Post

By Morning Kay 
"Good Morning, Morning!"
http://morningkay.blogspot.com

One tip that is commonly given to teens struggling in their faith is to talk to other people about it.

But where does that leave the ‘other people?’

If you’re anything like me facing such a situation, you may just freak out. One of my friends recently went through a boatload of hardships that caused her faith to suffer. I was stuck in the middle.

We talked a lot about her doubts and hardships and I was desperate to help her overcome them. After all, this was my friend and I didn’t want to see her fall away from faith. From this experience, I have a few tips for those in similar situations. 

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)

This may be hard, but you have to pray continually for your friend and you have to stop worrying. That may sound cruel. After all, your friend is hurting and I say, “don’t worry?!” I know it’s hard, but you have to remember who is in control over the situation: God. If it is in God’s will that your friend heals, he or she will heal. If not, you can’t feel guilty. You have to understand that you are not the one who saves; God is. He knows what He’s doing.

“Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing.” (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

Be open and encouraging to your friend and no matter what… don’t give up on them.

I’m happy to say that my friend has gotten so much healing through her struggles! I have seen God’s grace abound in her life in such amazing ways that it makes me want to cry.

The problem is… she hasn’t.

My friend decided to be agnostic and that has broken my heart. When she first told me, I didn’t know what to do. It frustrated me because my friend felt so hurt by God when she was amid her personal struggles, thinking that He had abandoned her. Yet, when He provided healing for those hardships, she didn’t see it. She turned away.

I’m still broken hearted about this. I often times want to just grab my friend and shake her, demanding to know why she doesn’t see that God has always been with her and why she can’t see that her healing is His doing.

If this happens to you too, and it may, don’t give up. No matter how many times they push you away, continue to speak truth to them in love and be there for them… even if they don’t want to talk about their faith anymore.

I know it’s tough being stuck in the middle of a friend’s hurt faith. Just cling to God and remember He is in control and always has been, as hard as that may be, and continue to be a friend.

It’s always a blessing to see your friend heal in faith and I’m sure that if you’re in this situation, you want nothing more for them than that. However, you might have to accept the possibility that they won’t turn back to God in the time you know them. Or ever. But no matter what, you have to keep your trust in God’s power strong even when theirs is not.

“Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.” (Hebrews 10:23)

All Bible verses quoted from the New King James Version. Courtesy of Bible Gateway. http://www.biblegateway.com/

You Want Me to Do WHAT Because I Love You?!

            What really angers me to the point where I find it difficult to stay quiet is those guys who try to convince girls to have sex and the girls who let them.

I don’t mean out of love, some people are in love and they decide to take that step. I don’t judge them. I worry about the girls who sometimes don’t understand what they’re doing. Sometimes guys just want sex, not love, and that’s not what it’s supposed to be about.

Some guys get away with lines like, “If you loved me, you would show me your love” or “prove it.” Some girls, unfortunately, get reeled in.

Here’s a story where one girl barely made it.

I have a virgin, Christian friend who was dating this guy. Things were getting serious when he wanted her to meet his parents so I knew I needed to remind her about one little fact.

“Does he know you’re a virgin?”

“I don’t want to mention it,” she responded. “What if I scare him away?”

“Well,” I said, “if you tell him now and scare him away, that shows he wasn’t worth it. But if you keep it a secret until much later when you’re really serious about him, then one, he’ll think you lied, and two, it’ll hurt more if you break up instead of finding out now and going separate ways. It’s just realizing you’re each looking for different things in a relationship.”

            As I reminded her, she pushed the subject further into the back of her mind. She didn’t want to tell him anytime soon, but one day, she had no choice.

            She was talking to him and found out he wasn’t a virgin. As a result, she revealed her secret. At first, he didn’t see a problem with it, but when she told him she wanted to wait until marriage, or at least until she was older and in a longer, committed relationship of a few years, he hesitated.

            He acted like it didn’t bother him, but after he let it sink in he exploded with anger and yelled at her. The main gist was that he thought he could fall in love with her and that it wasn’t fair for him to not be allowed to express his love for her physically when he really wanted to be that close to her.

            When my friend told me the story, I worried she gave in. Thankfully, though, she didn’t. Instead, she decided to call him out on it.

            She started yelling right back!

            She said if he truly thought he could love her, than he wouldn’t see this one decision as a problem. She said he shouldn’t pressure her if he really cared about her and that if sex was more important, then they were through.

            Although things didn’t work out, I completely agree with what my friend said. It was true! Her friend was so focused on one aspect that, even though they got along perfectly well, found each other physically attractive, and had fun together, he lost her. He wanted to take that step to meet the parents, but sex was the deal breaker.

            This happens with a lot of girls my age, or any age. They think they have to give in to a guy out of fear of losing them, but I don’t. I think if a guy told me, “If you loved me, you would have sex with me,” I’d say, “If you loved me, you wouldn’t pressure me.”

I’ve made a promise to myself and to God that I want to wait and that’s my decision. If a guy can’t respect that, then forget him. I mean, if a guy won’t respect that one decision about sex, how is he going to respect me?

            It makes me sad so many girls don’t think like this. Many girls give in because they think they’ll never get a guy who respects them enough to wait and then they lower their standards.

            Personally, I don’t think they should, and I don’t want to either. I know it sounds corny, but I have faith God will find me the right guy. I just refuse to let any guy change my mind. I have many reasons for waiting, but the guy doesn’t even need to know them. Just the fact that I want to wait should be enough for his respect.

If a guy can’t understand that, then I don’t need him. I have someone else who loves me great enough to respect everything I say, believe, and dream. He’s God and I trust He’ll find me a guy who will respect me and never pressure me.

The only man I’ll let lead me on is Jesus.

Unwilling to Forgive

            I know I write more about forgiveness than any other topic, but it’s really important for me. As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve always been one to hold grudges, long ones. My personal best, unfortunately, was twelve years. The Lord has been helping me greatly with this and I’ve gotten better at it. I even thought for a moment that I would never hold another grudge again.

            But something happened.

I’ve really been struggling lately to forgive this one person. I might have mentioned her before, though probably briefly. I won’t give all of the details, but the main gist of it is that I have a friend and she’s been hurting me a lot recently. Each time, I’ve tried my best to put on a brave face and forgive her. I refused to accept that nagging feeling to go back to my old ways and hold a grudge against her. For a while, I thought I was winning the battle.

Until today.

Today, she hurt me the worst. This time, I’m not the only one who got hurt over her actions. Her selfishness has finally reached a point where there are starting to be consequences. As her selfishness grows, more people are getting hurt.

            What’s worse, she doesn’t even know she’s doing it.

            I don’t want to be angry with her, I really don’t. It’s tiring. Every ounce of anger that boils inside of me only drains double the amount of energy out of me. The crying has given me headaches. My heart aches with betrayal. I constantly feel like throwing random items in my room to release some stress. I’m so upset that I don’t know what to do.

            I keep turning to God, begging Him to force me to forgive her already so I won’t feel so bad anymore. I think this whole time I haven’t forgiven her at all. I’ve just been asking for God’s help and pushing the anger deeper and deeper within me until I thought I couldn’t see it anymore. But every time she hurts me again, it all comes rushing to the surface begging to be seen, until the process starts all over again.

            Sounds like I’ve been holding a grudge after all.

            Maybe the reason why I haven’t forgiven her is because I don’t want to. I know that sounds bad because God would forgive her in a heartbeat the moment she asks for forgiveness. She hasn’t asked me, of course, and maybe that’s why I can’t. I’ve been asking God to help me, but I haven’t been doing my part. I need to be willing for God to help me take the next step.

            But how can I do my part if I just know she’s going to hurt me again?

            Perhaps I should just accept that this is just the way she is. She might not be able to help her actions, for all I know. I guess I shouldn’t expect her to change herself; I know how difficult that can be. Well, this might just mean I have to keep her at an arms length and that we can’t be friends anymore.

            After all we’ve gone through together that just might be what hurts the most.

            Oh Lord, forgive her, because I sure don’t know if I can…

A Mother’s Day Post: My MBF (Mom Best Friend)

            With divorced parents, it’s always just been my mom and me, so I can easily say I’m very close to my mom. She’s always been there for me when I needed her, even when I thought I didn’t need her. I can go to her with any problem and I know she won’t judge me. I can simply laugh with her, go to her, be with her, trust her, etc. at all times for one specific reason.

My mom is my best friend.

Nope, I’m not ashamed of saying it. In fact, I’m proud of it. The truth is I think too many teens my age aren’t as close to their moms as they should be. I’m not saying we all have to be joined at the hip, but I wish more teens could at least appreciate everything their mothers do for them like I do.

My mom gave her all for me and I’ve always been grateful. She worked as many jobs as she had to, put me in the best schools she could, tried to make wherever we lived the best home it could be, all for me. Ever since I was born, her focus has always been me, her daughter, her child.

Hmm, all about the children, sounds a little bit like God, no?

My mom always tells me I’ll understand God’s love the most when I become a mom myself someday. Well, I don’t have any kids yet (and don’t plan on it for a long time!) but I think I can understand what she means. Moms give everything for their children, even their own lives if they have to, just like Jesus did. Moms love their children no matter what, just as unconditionally as God. I think that’s the whole point as to why God gives us moms in the first place, to feel His love through them.

Now I know not everyone has the best mom; some don’t even have moms at all. My mom herself isn’t perfect, but I’m thankful I at least have her and because of that, I’d like to end this post with a little shout out to her.

Dear Mami,

Thank you so much for everything you’ve ever done for me. You’re absolutely beautiful and I don’t know what I would do without you.

 Everything I was, everything I am, and everything I will be, I will always owe to you. I am just so grateful God sent you to me. I wouldn’t change you for anyone or anything.

You’re my angel and my best friend. Never forget that.

I love you with all of my hearts,

Your daughter

Happy Mother’s Day!