To Date or Not to Date a Non-Christian

            One big topic with Christian teens is whether or not to date non-Christians. There are many reasons why any Christian worries about dating a non-Christian, such as disagreements over moral values, differences in future plans, etc. Many think marriages are doomed when the couple isn’t the same religion, the main reason usually being raising kids.

When it comes to teens, though, the differences might seem frivolous. We’re not planning on getting married, so what’s the harm in dating a non-Christian?

Well, recently, one of my friends’ atheist best friends went through a break up with her Christian boyfriend. Since they were together for a few years, my friend thought they overcame their religious differences, but in the end it still got to them.

Here’s my take on the subject.

There was one specific non-Christian guy I dated. I remember turning him down the first few times he asked me out because of our religious differences. I just thought that our relationship would have no future because of it.

Looking back, I know I was right.

Don’t get me wrong. He was a good guy and I don’t regret our relationship at all. In fact, we ended up dating for quite a long time. We were very happy at first. For a while there, it seemed like our religious differences didn’t matter. We loved each other and respected each others beliefs and that was all we needed to know.

But no matter how we hard we tried, our religious differences got in the way.

I remember days when all we’d do was just sit and debate our religious differences. Sometimes I’d even get seriously offended. None of the arguments were ever resolved and they always ended the same way.

“Let’s change the subject.”

Our relationship simply wasn’t going to go anywhere unless one of us was willing to step back from our beliefs for the sake of the relationship. I don’t know if he would have, but I knew that wasn’t going to be me.

Maybe we were both just being stubborn. Maybe I could have brought him to Jesus. Maybe not. All I know was that our religious differences opened my eyes to all of the other differences that we had as a result. Soon enough, I realized that things were going downhill fast.

Still, I feared letting him go. What if no one else loved me the way he did? He was the first guy I ever loved. Could I ever love anyone else that way again?

We eventually did break up. As difficult and heart aching as it was, though, we were both happier in the long run. I prayed that God would bring each of us the person He had in mind for us and just left it in God’s hands.

Let me just say I don’t believe all non-Christian and Christian relationships are doomed. In fact, I have another Christian friend who brought her boyfriend to Jesus. Perhaps I could’ve converted my ex-boyfriend likewise. But I don’t think anyone should go into a relationship planning on changing the other person, no matter what needs changing. The person should want to change on his or her own and that’s difficult to achieve. Unless someone is willing to put all of that time, effort, and faith in, it’s not going to work out.

Personally, I wasn’t ready for that.

Still, I don’t think the relationship was a waste. We both learned to love and learned what it was like to date someone from a different religious background. I know I cleared up many Christian misconceptions he had, and I pray that perhaps that softened his heart enough so someone else in the future could bring him to Jesus.

All right, here’s my last two cents and then I’ll shut up.

Dating is a fun time to get to know each other, perhaps even leading to a first love. But with all of the differences that already come within relationships, religious ones just make things more difficult. Two Christians may disagree on the kind of music they like, but a Christian and non-Christian could disagree on how to respect parents, what’s appropriate on a date physical-wise, whether or not drinking is okay, etc.

I just think dating a Christian removes one more difference, hopefully leaving space for a little more fun.

For me, I’ve had the experience of dating a non-Christian and even though I don’t regret the relationship, I’ve learned I’d rather only date Christians. When I get married someday, I don’t want to deal with religious differences on top of everything else. My parents were both Christian and still divorced, so why add to that? Maybe someone else with a higher level of patience, respect, and work ethic can, and I say all power to them, but it’s just not for me. I’d rather just continue praying to God for a good Christian guy.

Oh, actually, guess what? God has already begun to answer that prayer.