Apologizing to Myself

            How come it’s so difficult to forgive ourselves sometimes? Of course, it can be difficult to forgive other people, but sometimes it seems like its easier to accept someone else’s apology then our own.

            At least, that’s the way it is with me.

            I won’t lie. Just like everyone else in this world, I have my share of things I’m not proud of. Some of them I can forgive and forget, some I even just forget, but some I just can’t find it in me to forgive at all, let alone forget.

            I don’t think God agrees with me, though.

            The whole point behind Christianity is that Jesus took our sins upon Him and died for us. Because of this, God can forgive us our sins. That’s how much He loves us. Literally, just like that He forgives us at any moments notice. All that we have to do is ask for forgiveness and we get it instantly.

            What I’ve found, at least in my case, is that I ask God for forgiveness, but don’t bother to forgive myself. That can’t be right. I mean, if God thinks I’m worth being forgiven, why can’t I agree?

            One of my problems is that I hold grudges. Long ones. I’m talking about grudges as long as the Grinch had against the town of Whoville and Christmas (I like Dr. Seuss, okay?). I know that’s not right, though, since God never holds grudges against anyone, and I’ve been working on that. Thanks to the Lord, I’ve been able to grow and get better at not holding grudges against other people. I’ve been happy about that.

            It seems like there’s one other person I’m still holding a grudge against, though: Myself.

            I really don’t know why this is. I think it might be easier to forgive other people because they’re the ones who’ve made the mistake. It also might be easier to ask for forgiveness since I know God will always forgive me unconditionally. But what about when I’m the one whose made the mistake? Can I forgive myself unconditionally?

            Thinking about it, I think I can forgive myself by asking two questions. First, what I have to think is if I were someone else, would I forgive me? The answer could be yes a lot of the time. I mean, looking back, I can see that sometimes I honestly didn’t know better. In that case, it makes perfect sense to forgive myself.

            And when the answer is no, that’s when I have to ask myself the second question. If I were God, would I forgive me?

The answer will always be yes.

The truth is that if I’ve gotten to the point where I can ask God for forgiveness, I should be able to ask myself for forgiveness too. If I can let go of my anger at someone else, that means I’m capable of doing that for myself too. And if I can accept God’s forgiveness, I should be able to accept my own as well. I just need to remember that I deserve my own forgiveness just as much as any other person does.

Next time I make a mistake I just need to remember that if I can accept apologies, apologize to others, apologize to God, then I can apologize to myself.