To Date or Not to Date a Non-Christian

            One big topic with Christian teens is whether or not to date non-Christians. There are many reasons why any Christian worries about dating a non-Christian, such as disagreements over moral values, differences in future plans, etc. Many think marriages are doomed when the couple isn’t the same religion, the main reason usually being raising kids.

When it comes to teens, though, the differences might seem frivolous. We’re not planning on getting married, so what’s the harm in dating a non-Christian?

Well, recently, one of my friends’ atheist best friends went through a break up with her Christian boyfriend. Since they were together for a few years, my friend thought they overcame their religious differences, but in the end it still got to them.

Here’s my take on the subject.

There was one specific non-Christian guy I dated. I remember turning him down the first few times he asked me out because of our religious differences. I just thought that our relationship would have no future because of it.

Looking back, I know I was right.

Don’t get me wrong. He was a good guy and I don’t regret our relationship at all. In fact, we ended up dating for quite a long time. We were very happy at first. For a while there, it seemed like our religious differences didn’t matter. We loved each other and respected each others beliefs and that was all we needed to know.

But no matter how we hard we tried, our religious differences got in the way.

I remember days when all we’d do was just sit and debate our religious differences. Sometimes I’d even get seriously offended. None of the arguments were ever resolved and they always ended the same way.

“Let’s change the subject.”

Our relationship simply wasn’t going to go anywhere unless one of us was willing to step back from our beliefs for the sake of the relationship. I don’t know if he would have, but I knew that wasn’t going to be me.

Maybe we were both just being stubborn. Maybe I could have brought him to Jesus. Maybe not. All I know was that our religious differences opened my eyes to all of the other differences that we had as a result. Soon enough, I realized that things were going downhill fast.

Still, I feared letting him go. What if no one else loved me the way he did? He was the first guy I ever loved. Could I ever love anyone else that way again?

We eventually did break up. As difficult and heart aching as it was, though, we were both happier in the long run. I prayed that God would bring each of us the person He had in mind for us and just left it in God’s hands.

Let me just say I don’t believe all non-Christian and Christian relationships are doomed. In fact, I have another Christian friend who brought her boyfriend to Jesus. Perhaps I could’ve converted my ex-boyfriend likewise. But I don’t think anyone should go into a relationship planning on changing the other person, no matter what needs changing. The person should want to change on his or her own and that’s difficult to achieve. Unless someone is willing to put all of that time, effort, and faith in, it’s not going to work out.

Personally, I wasn’t ready for that.

Still, I don’t think the relationship was a waste. We both learned to love and learned what it was like to date someone from a different religious background. I know I cleared up many Christian misconceptions he had, and I pray that perhaps that softened his heart enough so someone else in the future could bring him to Jesus.

All right, here’s my last two cents and then I’ll shut up.

Dating is a fun time to get to know each other, perhaps even leading to a first love. But with all of the differences that already come within relationships, religious ones just make things more difficult. Two Christians may disagree on the kind of music they like, but a Christian and non-Christian could disagree on how to respect parents, what’s appropriate on a date physical-wise, whether or not drinking is okay, etc.

I just think dating a Christian removes one more difference, hopefully leaving space for a little more fun.

For me, I’ve had the experience of dating a non-Christian and even though I don’t regret the relationship, I’ve learned I’d rather only date Christians. When I get married someday, I don’t want to deal with religious differences on top of everything else. My parents were both Christian and still divorced, so why add to that? Maybe someone else with a higher level of patience, respect, and work ethic can, and I say all power to them, but it’s just not for me. I’d rather just continue praying to God for a good Christian guy.

Oh, actually, guess what? God has already begun to answer that prayer.

Gimme, God, Gimme!

            My grandma told me a little story today. It went somewhere along the lines of this (I adapted it as a writer because…well, I can!)

            There was once this young boy. His parents gave him everything his heart desired. As he grew up, his parents continued giving him absolutely everything just to make him happy, in the hopes that someday their son would be grateful for all that had been given to him. When he was full grown, however, he left his home and never came back.

Why? Because as a boy, he got everything he wanted, but as a man, it wasn’t enough. He wanted more. All of a sudden, everything his parents gave him wasn’t enough and he left in search of more. He never once said thank you to his parents because he never understood how to be grateful. His parents waited for his return in sadness for the rest of their lives.

            After my grandma finished her story, she brought it into perspective.

            “That’s what it’s like with God and us,” she told me (albeit, in Spanish). “We always want God to give us everything we pray for and we don’t understand why He doesn’t sometimes. My story, that’s why. God doesn’t give us everything because He doesn’t want us to become like that little boy.”

            I completely agree with my grandma and her point, but I want to expand on it a little. It’s true; God doesn’t give us everything for a reason. Sometimes it’s because it’s not right for us. Sometimes it’s because He has something better planned for later. There are several reasons.

            It all boils down to this, though: trust.

            As so much else does, it’s all about trusting God. I think it’s important to learn to trust that God is giving us just what is right for us. Not more, not less. Sometimes we hold on to what He has already given us and don’t make space for what He has in store. But if we just trust Him, trust He will give us what we need instead of just all we want, that’s when I think we’re letting God truly take care of us.

            So, instead of acting like a little spoiled kid with a tired parent in a supermarket, grabbing at everything in sight, saying, “Gimme, gimme!” I think I’d rather just trust my parent to pick out what’s best for me.

            God just might surprise me more that way.

Is It Time to Pray Yet?

            Here’s a new one that I’ve been dealing with lately. How do I know whether it’s time to pray or not? Sure, if something absolutely wonderful happens, I always say a thankful prayer. Then, if something absolutely horrible happens, I always ask God for help.

            What about the rest of the time, though?

            There seem to be two times to say a prayer: when something good happens and when something bad happens. For example, when I studied extremely hard for a test last week and got an A, I thanked God for helping me get through it all. On the other hand, when I was angry at a friend of mine who really hurt me a couple of weeks ago, I asked God to help me get over my anger and forgive her. Those were two instances where I felt that I needed to pray and knew just what to pray for.

            But what about the time in between?

            I’ve noticed that there are times when nothing wonderful or horrible has really happened and I’m just there, in between. Nothing necessarily great is going on, but nothing bad is either. I’m not extremely thankful about anything or upset. I’m just okay.

            What do I pray about then?

            Unfortunately, I’ve been falling into the habit of spending less time praying when I’m in that “in between” mode. I subconsciously seem to think that since there’s nothing really interesting going on in my life at the moment to pray about, then it’s not time to pray.

            I’ve come to disagree with myself.

            There’s always something to pray about. Praying is just talking to God and if I have time to talk to my friends and family when there’s nothing really interesting going on in my life, then I should have time to just talk to God too. Besides, as one of my best friends always likes to point out to me, there’s always something to be thankful for. Just the fact that I woke up this morning is worth saying a quick thankful prayer. I can at least pray about that.

God always knows what’s going on in my life and if there’s nothing really interesting, He knows that too. Maybe during those times I’m not going to have as long a prayer as I would if something amazing or horrible just happened, but that’s okay. God understands because He knows everything, including my heart and my life. That doesn’t mean it isn’t the right time to pray, though. It just means that my prayers are going to be a little different. Why? Because praying isn’t only for good or bad times, it’s for all times.

And so, next time my life seems to be pretty dull and I don’t know whether or not I should even bother praying, I’m going to remember this:

It’s always time to pray.

Sleep Deprived Christian

            I’ve just had to pull an all-nighter for a test I’ve been studying for and decided to write about what happens to me as a sleep deprived Christian. (My apologies if at any time I don’t make sense. Just bear with me.)

            First, if I even attempt to pray while sleep deprived, I’ll be dreaming long before I can even think about saying, “Amen.” It doesn’t matter if I’m standing, sitting, propped against the wall, standing on my head (okay, I can’t really do that, but you get my point), I’ll fall asleep while praying. It’s not surprising, considering I have my eyes closed already.

            I remember I was told once that if I fell asleep while praying, I’d be closer to God and therefore have no nightmares. I wonder if that’s true. Honestly, I can’t recall 100% if I’ve ever fallen asleep while praying and then had no nightmares, let alone if every time I’ve fallen asleep I’ve had no nightmares.

Maybe I should try an experiment…

            Anyways, second, if I try to read the Bible while sleep deprived, I hardly understand a thing I’m reading, if anything at all. It’s like my eyes are moving over the words, but they enter through my vision and get lost somewhere in my brain. They probably dissipate like smoke because they never reach my brain long enough, if at all, for real comprehension to occur.

Am I even making sense?

All right, third, once I start my day while I’m sleep deprived, it’s more difficult than ever to be a good Christian. I don’t mean necessarily sinning with something super big, but at least with being a nice, friendly, loving, non-judgmental Christian.

As a Christian, I’m supposed to be friendly and loving towards others, right? Well, when I’m sleep deprived, it’s a lot easier to tick me off, though I try not to be. The truth is, though, I turn into a monster. I don’t want to be anyone’s friend or love anyone. All I want to do is get through the day and get back to my bed. Then, if anyone bothers me, I get mad and think they’re doing it on purpose. Talk about judging…

I wonder if Jesus ever got sleep deprived. Even if He did, I’m sure He dealt with it a boatload better than I do.

Fourth…I can’t think of a fourth, so I guess this is where my list ends. I should probably have some profound way to end this. I guess I’ll just say that maybe if I must be a sleep deprived Christian, to go with the good old question, “What would Jesus do?” and try to act like I think Jesus would if He was sleep deprived.

Sure, let’s go with that.

Zzzzzzz…

Praying by Accident

            Lately, I’ve struggled with my prayers. I want to say a meaningful prayer from the heart with words so special that they leave my lips and go straight up to God. Instead, I find myself murmuring dry prayers with words tirelessly repeated from past prayers. I feel like they leave my lips and disappear into thin air before going anywhere. Of course, I know God listens anyways, but at times I wish I could say a prayer worth hearing.

            My mom always told me the best model for praying was the Lord’s Prayer. She said if I didn’t know what to say, to just follow it, but in my own words. Praise the Lord, ask for what I need, ask for forgiveness, thank Him for what I have and end with a beautiful Amen. At first, this helped me greatly when I didn’t know what to say and it had much more meaning for me.  

            Eventually, though, it was almost like I had come up with my own Lord’s Prayer. It was no longer unique, but felt memorized and rehearsed. Once I noticed this, I’d try to change it, but then the altered version became the new memorized and rehearsed version.

This cycle went on for a while until I gave up and just stuck with the latest version, praying the same prayer over and over until it felt like I was reading off of flash cards. The prayer became so engrained in my mind that my mind wandered while I prayed. I’d say my lines while, separately, worrying about an upcoming test.

New situations occurred, causing me worry and stress or thankfulness and joy, but I’d hesitate to put them into my practiced prayer, as if that messed up my countless rehearsals. Afterwards, though, I’d feel that my prayer was empty, lacking my emotions over these new situations. What was I doing wrong?

Soon enough, something happened. I found myself driving my car, walking to class, taking a break from studying, and all the while talking, just plain old talking, to God.

God, please help me get there safely in this thunderstorm because I’m so scared.

God, thank you so much for this gorgeous day. I really need it.

God, I’m so worried and I can’t stand it and I just don’t know what to do.

At first, I didn’t see this as anything important. I was just talking, no big deal. I’ve realized something, though. These little snippets I came up with on the spot were prayers full of more emotion and meaning than my dry, lengthy memorized prayer ever did. I was praying by accident, but somehow it worked.

Perhaps these prayers aren’t well manicured and polished, but it’s taken me a while to realize that my prayers don’t need to be. I just want to talk to God, my best friend, my counselor, my parent, my listener. Whatever comes out of my mouth that way will be like beautiful balloons, filled with and colored by my emotions, carrying my words up to God.

Is that wrong? I don’t know. All that I know is that I’ll never stop talking.