To Date or Not to Date a Non-Christian

            One big topic with Christian teens is whether or not to date non-Christians. There are many reasons why any Christian worries about dating a non-Christian, such as disagreements over moral values, differences in future plans, etc. Many think marriages are doomed when the couple isn’t the same religion, the main reason usually being raising kids.

When it comes to teens, though, the differences might seem frivolous. We’re not planning on getting married, so what’s the harm in dating a non-Christian?

Well, recently, one of my friends’ atheist best friends went through a break up with her Christian boyfriend. Since they were together for a few years, my friend thought they overcame their religious differences, but in the end it still got to them.

Here’s my take on the subject.

There was one specific non-Christian guy I dated. I remember turning him down the first few times he asked me out because of our religious differences. I just thought that our relationship would have no future because of it.

Looking back, I know I was right.

Don’t get me wrong. He was a good guy and I don’t regret our relationship at all. In fact, we ended up dating for quite a long time. We were very happy at first. For a while there, it seemed like our religious differences didn’t matter. We loved each other and respected each others beliefs and that was all we needed to know.

But no matter how we hard we tried, our religious differences got in the way.

I remember days when all we’d do was just sit and debate our religious differences. Sometimes I’d even get seriously offended. None of the arguments were ever resolved and they always ended the same way.

“Let’s change the subject.”

Our relationship simply wasn’t going to go anywhere unless one of us was willing to step back from our beliefs for the sake of the relationship. I don’t know if he would have, but I knew that wasn’t going to be me.

Maybe we were both just being stubborn. Maybe I could have brought him to Jesus. Maybe not. All I know was that our religious differences opened my eyes to all of the other differences that we had as a result. Soon enough, I realized that things were going downhill fast.

Still, I feared letting him go. What if no one else loved me the way he did? He was the first guy I ever loved. Could I ever love anyone else that way again?

We eventually did break up. As difficult and heart aching as it was, though, we were both happier in the long run. I prayed that God would bring each of us the person He had in mind for us and just left it in God’s hands.

Let me just say I don’t believe all non-Christian and Christian relationships are doomed. In fact, I have another Christian friend who brought her boyfriend to Jesus. Perhaps I could’ve converted my ex-boyfriend likewise. But I don’t think anyone should go into a relationship planning on changing the other person, no matter what needs changing. The person should want to change on his or her own and that’s difficult to achieve. Unless someone is willing to put all of that time, effort, and faith in, it’s not going to work out.

Personally, I wasn’t ready for that.

Still, I don’t think the relationship was a waste. We both learned to love and learned what it was like to date someone from a different religious background. I know I cleared up many Christian misconceptions he had, and I pray that perhaps that softened his heart enough so someone else in the future could bring him to Jesus.

All right, here’s my last two cents and then I’ll shut up.

Dating is a fun time to get to know each other, perhaps even leading to a first love. But with all of the differences that already come within relationships, religious ones just make things more difficult. Two Christians may disagree on the kind of music they like, but a Christian and non-Christian could disagree on how to respect parents, what’s appropriate on a date physical-wise, whether or not drinking is okay, etc.

I just think dating a Christian removes one more difference, hopefully leaving space for a little more fun.

For me, I’ve had the experience of dating a non-Christian and even though I don’t regret the relationship, I’ve learned I’d rather only date Christians. When I get married someday, I don’t want to deal with religious differences on top of everything else. My parents were both Christian and still divorced, so why add to that? Maybe someone else with a higher level of patience, respect, and work ethic can, and I say all power to them, but it’s just not for me. I’d rather just continue praying to God for a good Christian guy.

Oh, actually, guess what? God has already begun to answer that prayer.

God as My Magic Eight Ball

            Sometimes I just feel lost. I mean, Hansel and Gretel in the woods lost, without a breadcrumb trail leading me anywhere. Not to my house and especially not my future.

I think about the future and all I see is a fuzzy image of myself nowhere in particular, like trying to watch TV while there’s a thunderstorm and the image is too full of static to see clearly. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I don’t know what I’m going to do next. Will I keep studying? Will I do something else? Who knows?

There’s a lot of pressure on teenagers that revolve around the same question: What are you going to do with your life?

I’ve tried to answer that question several different ways.  Honestly, I have. One day I say I want to keep studying until I’m either sick of academia or can’t afford it any more. Another day I decide I just want to dive into the real world and get a job. Then still another day I get fed up with both options and think about doing something more meaningful, like joining the military or the Peace Corps.

No matter what day, though, if someone asked me that infamous question, “What are you going to do with your life?” I always had an answer. But lately, it’s gotten worse. I’ve been changing ideas two to three times a day. One morning I’ll wake up deciding I want to keep studying and later go to bed deciding I want to go into a specific career. The next morning, I’ll decide on something else.

It’s been difficult for me to accept this, but the truth is that I’ve been answering that question incorrectly.

The true answer is this: I just don’t know.

I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life. I know I want to be a writer, I know someday I want to settle down and have a family, but I don’t know when either of those is going to happen. I don’t know what will happen in between or which will come first. I don’t know if I’ll keep studying and start my writing career at the same time. I don’t know if I’ll go off to the Peace Corps and get married the moment I come back. I won’t even mention my other dreams, like traveling the world.

I simply don’t know.

The uncertainty has been eating me up inside. I’ve always been an organized person, using a planner in school for my homework, shelving my books on my bookshelf according to genre, etc. So the fact that I can’t organize my future has been driving me crazy, sometimes to the point of tears. Not only do I not know what to do with my life, it’s like I don’t know what to do with myself until I figure it out.

I’ve realized something, though. I may not know my future, but God does.

At church this past Sunday, the pastor gave a message on how we shouldn’t rely on magic eight balls to help us make our decisions, but that we should instead turn to the Bible. I’ve taken this up a notch and decided that I shouldn’t be looking at magic eight balls at all (not that I have been). Magic eight balls don’t know what my future holds. In fact, no one knows what my future holds, not even myself.

But God does.

It’s taken me a while to take comfort in that fact. God knows what I’m going to do with my life. God knows what the future holds. God simply knows, in a way that I won’t until the time comes.

And He’s going to get me there, somehow.

Instead of pulling out my hair over what to do with my life, then, I think I should just turn to God. After all, He’s the one who knows where I’m ultimately going to end up. Perhaps I should just be patient and meditate in Him, throwing aside the magic eight balls in my life and instead grabbing God’s hand and trusting that, in the end, God will guide me to where I need to go.

Besides, God makes a much better magic eight ball anyways. 

Wait for It...(Youth Group Sermon)

Note: It was my turn to speak this week at my youth group so I decided to adapt it for a blog post and hit two birds with one stone. (I apologize in advance for the length!)

Introduction

           

            How many of you think you are patient? Personally, I thought I used to be patient until I got into a long distance relationship.

Now that tests my patience.

First, I’m impatient with the distance itself and the problems it brings. I have to wait to talk to my boyfriend, wait to see him, wait to finally close the distance, etc. I mean, every time I see a happy couple I get impatient to be like that. When will it be my turn? It seems like I’m always waiting.

Second, I’m impatient with God for putting me in the situation in the first place. I question, is there a reason for this? Does He have a plan for us to close the distance someday? I’m just always thinking, “When will this distance finally end??”

That’s how impatient I’ve become.

It’s helped me notice something, though, and that’s how important patience is in general. Whether it’s with every day situations, like waiting in line, or with long term plans, like finishing school. Patience is important for absolutely everything.

As I’ve thought about this topic, I’ve come up with three types of patience: patience of God, patience with God, and patience with others.

Why don’t we start with the patience of God?

Patience of God

“⁹The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” – 2 Peter 3:9 NIV

            I liked this verse because it talks about how patient God is with everyone, wanting everyone to repent in the end.

Have you ever thought about how extremely patient God is with you? With all of us? Look at what this verse is telling us. He waits for each and every one of us to repent and come to Him.

How long does that take? Sometimes, it can mean immediately after doing something wrong. Sometimes, it can mean weeks, months, or years later. For some of us, it could even mean our entire lives.

Think about that. God waits our entire lives for us to come to Him. That’s how patient He is with us. Can you imagine having that level of patience? I’m too impatient when I order pizza!

That’s what’s so great about God, though. He has more patience than all of us combined. He’s just so patient with us, it’d be nice to return the favor and be just as patient with him.

On that note, let’s talk about patience with God then.

Patience with God

“⁷Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. ⁸Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret – it leads only to evil. ⁹For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.” – Psalm 37: 7-9 NIV

            I think this verse hits on what’s most difficult for many of us and that’s being patient with God.

            Sometimes it seems like we always have to be so patient with God to get what we want, when everyone else is getting what he or she wants without having to wait or even deserving it.

            Here’s an example. I could be studying extremely hard for a class and I’ll keep waiting to finally get an A, but someone else might just cheat and get the A way before I do. It can be really difficult to be patient in this case. So, what do I do?

This verse says not to worry, though, because in the end, those who are patient with God are the ones who get what they’ve been waiting for, and those who have been impatient get burned.

Here’s another example. I could be promised a cookie after dinner. If I wait, then I get a delicious cookie. If I try to sneak it before and get caught, though, then there’s no delicious cookie for me. Now, I don’t know about you, but I want my delicious cookie, so I’d be patient.

All right, we’ve talked about the patience of God and patience with God. Let’s move on to the final point, patient with others.

Patience with Others

“¹⁴And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:14 NIV

            Reread those last four words. Be patient with everyone.

            Everyone. Not just with your friends, not just with your parents, not just with your teachers, but with everyone.

            This can be really hard to do, especially when someone isn’t being so patient with you.

            Traffic is the perfect example. This is the time when we most get impatient with others. People are late to work, school, etc. There are beeping horns and people rushing. Everyone is just impatient with everyone around them.

            God expects us to be patient, though, even then. As patient as He is with us, as patient as we might be able to be with Him, we’re still expected to be patient with others too. And when it’s really difficult to be patient with a specific person, situation, or even with God, it’s important to pray for that patience.

Conclusion

            To wrap up, I just want to repeat the three types of patience I’ve been talking about tonight: patience of God, patience with God, and patience with others.

God has endless patience with us and it’s important that we remember that. We also need to remember that as patient as God is with us, we need to be just as patient with Him because He will always deliver. And finally, God expects us to be patient with others, not just Him. It’s important to remember that next time someone is annoying us in particular.

            Think of God’s patience and be patient. I’ve found that life will always be better that way.