A New Year's Post: Realistic Resolutions

            I keep trying to think about what my New Year resolution should be. I don’t want to do the typical “get in shape” or “learn a new hobby” kind of resolution. Those kinds of resolutions only stick at the beginning of the year. It’s easy to work out or practice a new instrument in January. It’s also easy to just give up and put that gym membership card or hand-me-down guitar away in a place where it’s forgotten until the next year rolls around and the cycle starts all over again. 

I want to do something that will stick all year round, something that I know I can look back at by the end of the year and be proud of doing.

A realistic resolution.

            My resolution for this past year of 2014 was to mature. In 2013, I went through a rebellious stage and my relationship with my mom struggled quite a bit. So when the New Year came, I made a promise to myself that I would do my best to mature throughout the year whenever I had the chance.

            This wasn’t the kind of resolution I could just practice for a month and then give up on. It was more arbitrary. Every time there was a hardship, whether it occurred once a month, weekly, every day, or not, I would find myself encountering chances to practice my maturity.

It wasn’t something I could avoid like the other two common resolutions I mentioned. It’s easy to avoid the gym or put away the guitar to ignore the resolutions, but when I found myself in a situation where I had only the two choices of acting mature or immature, it wasn’t so easy to avoid the promise I had made to myself.

            Looking back on this past year, I can honestly say I think I’ve fulfilled my resolution. Like I said, since the resolution was different, it was more achievable. Being in shape and learning a new hobby are clearly definable. For example, loosing fifty pounds, and being able to run a few miles when before I couldn’t, would qualify as “being in shape.” Also, going from never having picked up a guitar to knowing the basic chords and some simple songs qualify as having “learned a new hobby.”

            But how can one define maturity?

It’s difficult to say the least. “Mature” could mean anything from being able to handle any crisis and avoiding all drama to simply respecting my parents more often. It’s relative. Technically, so can “being in shape” and “learning a new hobby,” but not as much. I think that’s why my resolution stuck. No matter what, even if I slipped up and acted immaturely from time to time, so long as the next chance I opted for maturity, I was still making progress.

            For me, striving for maturity was a more realistic resolution, and I’m glad to say I think I’ve met it.

            As for 2015, I want another resolution like the one I made for 2014. I want something just as arbitrary and just as achievable, something where even the slightest bit of improvement will leave me satisfied by the time 2016 rolls around.

            What I think I’m going to go for is this: “to grow in faith.” I’ve had my fair share of doubts this year and ran into a few bumps in the road on my spiritual journey with God. For next year, I want to make sure I face those bumps with better traction. Like with the “maturity” promise, the chances to work on the “faith” resolution will come at random, but in the end I think I will feel just as fulfilled.

            Maybe “growing in faith” is not a very realistic resolution for others, but it is for me. I invite anyone who wants to join me to, well, join me! I also think my last year’s resolution to mature is one worth trying (I know as teens that can be difficult, but hey, I mean, we won’t be teens forever, might as well practice.). If not, any resolution that seems more realistic is better worth making then something we all know isn’t going to stick (Like I said, who wants to keep lying to themselves about getting in shape? If that treadmill didn’t call for me last year, it won’t call for me this year.)

I think if people could make more realistic resolutions for themselves, they’ll be more inclined to keep them and be happier at the end of the year. And if the resolution is something like, say, “growing in faith,” I think that’s something worth praying to God for help fulfilling. I’m sure God wants our New Year to be just as fruitful as we do.

Happy New Year!

God as My Magic Eight Ball

            Sometimes I just feel lost. I mean, Hansel and Gretel in the woods lost, without a breadcrumb trail leading me anywhere. Not to my house and especially not my future.

I think about the future and all I see is a fuzzy image of myself nowhere in particular, like trying to watch TV while there’s a thunderstorm and the image is too full of static to see clearly. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I don’t know what I’m going to do next. Will I keep studying? Will I do something else? Who knows?

There’s a lot of pressure on teenagers that revolve around the same question: What are you going to do with your life?

I’ve tried to answer that question several different ways.  Honestly, I have. One day I say I want to keep studying until I’m either sick of academia or can’t afford it any more. Another day I decide I just want to dive into the real world and get a job. Then still another day I get fed up with both options and think about doing something more meaningful, like joining the military or the Peace Corps.

No matter what day, though, if someone asked me that infamous question, “What are you going to do with your life?” I always had an answer. But lately, it’s gotten worse. I’ve been changing ideas two to three times a day. One morning I’ll wake up deciding I want to keep studying and later go to bed deciding I want to go into a specific career. The next morning, I’ll decide on something else.

It’s been difficult for me to accept this, but the truth is that I’ve been answering that question incorrectly.

The true answer is this: I just don’t know.

I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life. I know I want to be a writer, I know someday I want to settle down and have a family, but I don’t know when either of those is going to happen. I don’t know what will happen in between or which will come first. I don’t know if I’ll keep studying and start my writing career at the same time. I don’t know if I’ll go off to the Peace Corps and get married the moment I come back. I won’t even mention my other dreams, like traveling the world.

I simply don’t know.

The uncertainty has been eating me up inside. I’ve always been an organized person, using a planner in school for my homework, shelving my books on my bookshelf according to genre, etc. So the fact that I can’t organize my future has been driving me crazy, sometimes to the point of tears. Not only do I not know what to do with my life, it’s like I don’t know what to do with myself until I figure it out.

I’ve realized something, though. I may not know my future, but God does.

At church this past Sunday, the pastor gave a message on how we shouldn’t rely on magic eight balls to help us make our decisions, but that we should instead turn to the Bible. I’ve taken this up a notch and decided that I shouldn’t be looking at magic eight balls at all (not that I have been). Magic eight balls don’t know what my future holds. In fact, no one knows what my future holds, not even myself.

But God does.

It’s taken me a while to take comfort in that fact. God knows what I’m going to do with my life. God knows what the future holds. God simply knows, in a way that I won’t until the time comes.

And He’s going to get me there, somehow.

Instead of pulling out my hair over what to do with my life, then, I think I should just turn to God. After all, He’s the one who knows where I’m ultimately going to end up. Perhaps I should just be patient and meditate in Him, throwing aside the magic eight balls in my life and instead grabbing God’s hand and trusting that, in the end, God will guide me to where I need to go.

Besides, God makes a much better magic eight ball anyways. 

When You're Stuck in the Middle - Guest Post

By Morning Kay 
"Good Morning, Morning!"
http://morningkay.blogspot.com

One tip that is commonly given to teens struggling in their faith is to talk to other people about it.

But where does that leave the ‘other people?’

If you’re anything like me facing such a situation, you may just freak out. One of my friends recently went through a boatload of hardships that caused her faith to suffer. I was stuck in the middle.

We talked a lot about her doubts and hardships and I was desperate to help her overcome them. After all, this was my friend and I didn’t want to see her fall away from faith. From this experience, I have a few tips for those in similar situations. 

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)

This may be hard, but you have to pray continually for your friend and you have to stop worrying. That may sound cruel. After all, your friend is hurting and I say, “don’t worry?!” I know it’s hard, but you have to remember who is in control over the situation: God. If it is in God’s will that your friend heals, he or she will heal. If not, you can’t feel guilty. You have to understand that you are not the one who saves; God is. He knows what He’s doing.

“Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing.” (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

Be open and encouraging to your friend and no matter what… don’t give up on them.

I’m happy to say that my friend has gotten so much healing through her struggles! I have seen God’s grace abound in her life in such amazing ways that it makes me want to cry.

The problem is… she hasn’t.

My friend decided to be agnostic and that has broken my heart. When she first told me, I didn’t know what to do. It frustrated me because my friend felt so hurt by God when she was amid her personal struggles, thinking that He had abandoned her. Yet, when He provided healing for those hardships, she didn’t see it. She turned away.

I’m still broken hearted about this. I often times want to just grab my friend and shake her, demanding to know why she doesn’t see that God has always been with her and why she can’t see that her healing is His doing.

If this happens to you too, and it may, don’t give up. No matter how many times they push you away, continue to speak truth to them in love and be there for them… even if they don’t want to talk about their faith anymore.

I know it’s tough being stuck in the middle of a friend’s hurt faith. Just cling to God and remember He is in control and always has been, as hard as that may be, and continue to be a friend.

It’s always a blessing to see your friend heal in faith and I’m sure that if you’re in this situation, you want nothing more for them than that. However, you might have to accept the possibility that they won’t turn back to God in the time you know them. Or ever. But no matter what, you have to keep your trust in God’s power strong even when theirs is not.

“Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.” (Hebrews 10:23)

All Bible verses quoted from the New King James Version. Courtesy of Bible Gateway. http://www.biblegateway.com/

You Want Me to Do WHAT Because I Love You?!

            What really angers me to the point where I find it difficult to stay quiet is those guys who try to convince girls to have sex and the girls who let them.

I don’t mean out of love, some people are in love and they decide to take that step. I don’t judge them. I worry about the girls who sometimes don’t understand what they’re doing. Sometimes guys just want sex, not love, and that’s not what it’s supposed to be about.

Some guys get away with lines like, “If you loved me, you would show me your love” or “prove it.” Some girls, unfortunately, get reeled in.

Here’s a story where one girl barely made it.

I have a virgin, Christian friend who was dating this guy. Things were getting serious when he wanted her to meet his parents so I knew I needed to remind her about one little fact.

“Does he know you’re a virgin?”

“I don’t want to mention it,” she responded. “What if I scare him away?”

“Well,” I said, “if you tell him now and scare him away, that shows he wasn’t worth it. But if you keep it a secret until much later when you’re really serious about him, then one, he’ll think you lied, and two, it’ll hurt more if you break up instead of finding out now and going separate ways. It’s just realizing you’re each looking for different things in a relationship.”

            As I reminded her, she pushed the subject further into the back of her mind. She didn’t want to tell him anytime soon, but one day, she had no choice.

            She was talking to him and found out he wasn’t a virgin. As a result, she revealed her secret. At first, he didn’t see a problem with it, but when she told him she wanted to wait until marriage, or at least until she was older and in a longer, committed relationship of a few years, he hesitated.

            He acted like it didn’t bother him, but after he let it sink in he exploded with anger and yelled at her. The main gist was that he thought he could fall in love with her and that it wasn’t fair for him to not be allowed to express his love for her physically when he really wanted to be that close to her.

            When my friend told me the story, I worried she gave in. Thankfully, though, she didn’t. Instead, she decided to call him out on it.

            She started yelling right back!

            She said if he truly thought he could love her, than he wouldn’t see this one decision as a problem. She said he shouldn’t pressure her if he really cared about her and that if sex was more important, then they were through.

            Although things didn’t work out, I completely agree with what my friend said. It was true! Her friend was so focused on one aspect that, even though they got along perfectly well, found each other physically attractive, and had fun together, he lost her. He wanted to take that step to meet the parents, but sex was the deal breaker.

            This happens with a lot of girls my age, or any age. They think they have to give in to a guy out of fear of losing them, but I don’t. I think if a guy told me, “If you loved me, you would have sex with me,” I’d say, “If you loved me, you wouldn’t pressure me.”

I’ve made a promise to myself and to God that I want to wait and that’s my decision. If a guy can’t respect that, then forget him. I mean, if a guy won’t respect that one decision about sex, how is he going to respect me?

            It makes me sad so many girls don’t think like this. Many girls give in because they think they’ll never get a guy who respects them enough to wait and then they lower their standards.

            Personally, I don’t think they should, and I don’t want to either. I know it sounds corny, but I have faith God will find me the right guy. I just refuse to let any guy change my mind. I have many reasons for waiting, but the guy doesn’t even need to know them. Just the fact that I want to wait should be enough for his respect.

If a guy can’t understand that, then I don’t need him. I have someone else who loves me great enough to respect everything I say, believe, and dream. He’s God and I trust He’ll find me a guy who will respect me and never pressure me.

The only man I’ll let lead me on is Jesus.